His Need for Her
by xxshyangel29xx
Summary: Jessi is not coping well so she leaves Kyle, this tells the story of how they try to cope without one another and shows how much they need each other. This is a Kessi one shot/story. Can be taken as the new season 4.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This came to me as I was writing A New Direction and it would not leave me alone so I am going to make it a one shot I think...

Chapter One

Kyle stepped into Jessi's room looking for her, having not seen her in while he was starting to get worried about where she was he couldn't rest until he knew she was all right. Glancing around he noticed that her room looked different but he just could but his finger on what was different about it. Walking to her desk he noticed a letter with his name on it, picking it up he began to read...

_Dear Kyle,_

_I know that this is not the best of times to be leaving what with all that is currently going on but I am holding myself together by a thread and I fear that I can't hold on for much longer. So it is best that I leave. I need to get away and try and patch myself together again; fix what was broken and try and cope with the loss of my mother. Even though I only knew Sarah for a little while her murder has robbed me of the a brilliant future that I know we would of had together, the loss of the family life and peace I have always wanted has left me feeling very angry and sad. The weight of my emotions is making me feel like I am drowning, slowly suffocating the life out of me that I fear that I will do something incredibly rash and stupid that I cannot come back from. Something that you will not be able to forgive me for, so I need to leave, to find peace._

_I cannot do that here what with Latnok using me to get to you and the fact that in my state of mind I might not be strong enough any more to fight them off. I am so sorry that I have to do this to you when all you have ever done is stick by me but I fear that if I stay I will just be another problem that you will have to deal with eventually. Make no mistake Kyle when I say that there would of been a time when you would have to deal with my emotional fall out again, and you cannot afford to at a time like this when you have to worry about Latnok and your family._

_Deciding to leave you has been one of the hardest decisions that I have had to make, you have given me your strength, loyalty and understanding during difficult times in my life and when I didn't deserve it, you have always been there for me when I needed you so to leave at your hour of need pains me greatly. But I know that if I can sort myself out I can reciprocate whenever you need to lean on me, know that I will always have your back and I will come back immediately if your ever really need me._

_You have a great support system with the Tragers and Foss so I know that I leave you in capable hands. You have a loving supportive and understanding family who will always have your back, I envy you that and I hope you know how lucky you are. Please tell the Tragers my leaving does not reflect on them as they have been very welcoming but I know in my heart that there are only 5 members the Trager family and that as much I as they have tried to make me a member I think I need to go and start my own family even if there is only 1 member to begin with._

_I promise to let you know when I have arrived safe and sound and I will keep in contact so you will always have a way to contact me if you ever need me._

_Know that I am always with you, I am always connected to you and know that I will always love you._

_Yours,_

_Jessi_

The letter flitted like feather to the ground slipping out of Kyle's hands as he stared out the window as all he could think about was that she left him, she left him when he needed her...

**A/N: Like I said this is suppose to me a one shot but I'm not sure as this story is bugging me, it wants to be written. Should I continue? Review Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kyle sat at his computer re-reading Jessi's email that he had received a couple of hours ago: all it said was _"I'm safe"_ which frustrated Kyle who had been out of his mind worried about Jessi and whether of not she was safe. He feared in the beginning, when he didn't hear from her, that Latnok had some how taken Jessi and was holding her against her will as a means to get him to do what they wanted. But after conferring with Foss and his contacts he knew that Latnok didn't have Jessi causing his mind to race into a million different directions.

Finally it was Lori who pointed out to him that Jessi may have just needed time to get settled and work through a few things before she got to a place where she was comfortable enough to contact him. This concerned Kyle even more as how much turmoil must Jessi have been in that she needs time to sort herself out before she feels like she can contact him, such thoughts made Kyle want to go out and look for her, so he could take care of her and help her heal but both Nicole and Steven had been against it. They reasoned with Kyle stating that if Jessi left it was because she honestly felt that she would be better off somewhere away from him and the rest of the family whilst she healed and worked through her grief.

This had left Kyle feeling guilty and helpless and it wasn't until a few days later that Kyle received a little comfort in the form of Foss' promise that he would find Jessi if they hadn't heard from her in a month.

Jessi had just made the deadline with a week to spare.

Now sitting in front of his computer Kyle had so much that he wanted to say but he didn't know where to start so looking at one of the dozen of pictures that he had drawn of Jessi since she had left he decide to just let it flow through him...

_**Dear Jessi,**_

_**It has been 3 weeks since you left, please come home.**_

_**Things have not been the same since you left; I haven't been the same since you left.**_

_**I know that you have been through a lot lately and that you need time to heal and mourn Sarah but I honestly believe that you would heal better with the people who love and care about you supporting you whilst you heal. Tragers were all very upset when you left, especially Nicole, who is blaming herself for not seeing how much you were struggling and in need of help and support from us all. We all should have paid more attention to how you were coping with everything and maybe then we wouldn't have lost you.**_

_**I blame myself more than anything because like you have always said we are the same, I should have known that you were not coping, instead I was more concerned with Latnok and Amanda then I was for you. For that I am truly sorry and I ask you to please forgive me I promise to do much better; to remember to always look deeper rather than just assuming that you are fine and able to cope with the situation at hand. I always assumed that you are a rock and that your strength is unending but I realise now that I have taken you for granted and I promise never to do that again.**_

_**I want you to know that we are all waiting eagerly for you to come home but if your feel that you cannot come back to us yet, then that's ok. We want you to get better and we don't want to put any pressure on you to come home before your ready, but if you ever want anything no matter what it is you know that all you have to do is ask, we are here for you whenever you need us even if it is just to talk.**_

_**Please let us know how you're doing, keep in touch regularly so that we don't worry.**_

_**I miss you Jessi more than I can say. Please come home soon.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Kyle**_

Looking over his email once more before hitting the send button, Kyle realised that for now he had to protect Jessi and this meant that she couldn't find out about what was happening here at home. His priority had to be Jessi and her emotional well being and nothing could interfere with that not even Latnok.

**A/N: I have decided that this FF will be in the form of letters, IMs and emails as that is how the story is currently progressing in my head and also this will help me manage this FF along with the others that I have currently going on. It won't be forever and when I feel like the story needs a full chapter it will have one so don't worry that I am going to short change this story in favour of my other FF because I won't.**

**Please Review Review Review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So I'm back, sorry for the long wait, please enjoy...**

**Chapter 3**

_**Dear Kyle,**_

_**Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while but I just needed some time to settle into my new apartment and get everything sorted. But know that I read every single one of your emails that you sent me, and thank you so much for them, as they kept me going when I felt as if my grief would consume me. **_

_**I still think about Sarah everyday and I can't quite seem to get the sound of her heartbeat out of my head; it haunts me constantly and not even the distance can lessen the anguish I feel, especially over not realising what I was hearing or the fact that if I had, I could of saved my mother. But I have to keep working through it or else I'll go insane and I don't want to give Latnok or Brian the satisfaction of proving them right that it really was a mistake to create me.**_

_**So I keep busy and I try to remember all the good times we had when we were together, the photos that you found have really helped me remember all the fun times we had together. But I needed to know more. So I've been trying to find out everything I can about her and I know you're probably thinking that it's too dangerous, but I have to do this, and plus too I'm being very careful covering my tracks. By knowing who she was maybe I can finally find out who I am; as all my life people have been controlling who I should be and how I should act and now that I am free I feel so lost, and I hardly recognise myself. My life has been a lie up until recently and now I'm starting over, but where does one start? Starting with Sarah seemed to be as good a place as any- after all weren't we made in their image, so by knowing and understanding who Sarah was better maybe I will come to understand who I am too.**_

_**So far, though, my search has not revealed anything new but I know that she left a foot print out there somewhere for me to follow and all I have to do is find it. In the mean time I know I have to look to the future; who do I want to be and what do I want to do with my life now that it is my own. And the urge to feel settled has spurned me into trying new things so that I can have some idea of what direction I should go and on one of my many adventures I made a friend and her name is Claudia. She's my first real friend and I'm not friends with her because somebody told me to befriend her or because I want something from her but because we have things in common and she's friendly, funny and nice but most of all she likes me for who I am now.**_

_**I didn't realise just how much I craved a friend who liked me for me or was not thrust into a friendship with me because of others, but I did. And now I know that was one of the many things that made realise that I could not stay there with you and the Tragers as you did not ask for me to be in your lives nor did you ask your friends to be my friends - if they even were that – you had no choice just like me. But that's ok because I have corrected that mistake and now we're all free.**_

_**Now being here on my own and making new friends has brought a small measure of peace to my life and I think that I am on the road to finding happiness. But please don't think that I don't need you, Kyle, because as much as my heart and head needed space I don't want to cut you out of my life instead I intend to become a better person and earn a place in your life making you proud of me. Never doubt that we will always be connected, no matter where we are, and never doubt that when we are separated I will always miss you, more than I should, because we are the same you and I.**_

_**Please keep safe and if you ever need me know that I will be there in a heartbeat. And I know I said that I needed to get away from Latnok but I have realised how unwise it is not to know what is going on, and that information is power and power will help me protect myself and those that I care about. So could you please keep me updated on what's going on with me and if you ever need anything or someone who is smarter or faster then know I am always here.**_

_**I have to go now as I have to meet Claudia in 15 mins and I don't want to keep her waiting.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Jessi**_

_**P.S. I really do miss you.**_

And with that Jessi shut down her computer and grabbed her things hurrying out of her apartment eager to meet her very first friend for a coffee. But even though she was excited in the back of her mind she knew that something was coming ,and that instead of relishing in her freedom she felt as if time was running out on her, and that soon she would find herself back in the fight whether she liked it or not. But for now she was determined to enjoy her peace and quiet for however long she had left.

**A/N: Thank you for sticking with this story; it should now be updated more frequently (hopefully every 2 weeks if I can). So I hope you like this chapter and please review review review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Tiredness dogged Kyle's footsteps all the way to his desk but he was determined to write to Jessi before he went to bed. It had been 2 weeks since her last email and he had yet to write back, he didn't want to Jessi to worry or to even contemplate coming back to check up on him. No, it would be best if she stayed where she was, for the moment, letting him know that she was safe and out of harms way. And the only way to do that was to send an email back to her making sure he did give the slightest hint of what was really going on.

Reaching his desk Kyle opened up his email and began...

_**Dear Jessi,**_

_**To have you so far away, all alone and grieving pains me but I know that the path you're taking will lead you to finally find peace in your life.**_

_**I think getting to know who Sarah was and how she lived is a great idea but please be very careful as you don't know what you will find or who will be watching, and as important as it is to find out who Sarah was to you, you are more important than any potential information we could ever get especially to me. Nicole said that life is for the living and although we can learn from the past we must not get stuck there and I have to agree with her Jessi; you need to move on with your life, you need to embrace the fact that you are free and alive things that Sarah desperately wanted for both yourself and her. And even though she is no longer her with us I know that she would be so proud of you for carrying on and moving forward.**_

_**You have already made progress: making a new friend, Claudia. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have gained such confidence and self esteem in the short time that you have been away from us. I could hear the excitement and awe in your tone of voice when reading your email concerning your new found friendship with Claudia. The fact that Claudia wanted to be your friend comes as such a surprise to you that it saddens me that you have never felt worthy of friendship, you have also never seen what an amazing person you are and the fact that you have so much to offer that any friend of yours would be very lucky indeed. You are very special Jessi and even though you have not had a conventional start you have learnt and adapted to new challenges that were thrown at you, some hard, some you should not of had to go through but you have come through all of it and turned into an extraordinary woman. **_

_**When reading your email I realised finally just how right you were to leave and it pains me on how naive I was not to see just how much damage we were doing to your quest to discover who you are. Here everybody including me put you under so much pressure to be like me that in the end I think you would have finally snapped. We all forgot that you and I are not completely the same like we had originally thought and maybe had hoped: we have very different personalities and much of that has been influenced by our environment but I also think it goes deep than that. Adam and Sarah our ancestors were made for each other as they were each other's opposites complementing each other perfectly. But due to outside interference and egos they lost sight of what was important – each other. Until recently it seemed like we were following in their footsteps by letting outside forces drive us apart and they nearly did, but you saved the day. And not with your usual kick-butt-take-charge attitude but by leaving and making me realise just how much I need you and just how much I miss you when you're gone. You are my yin to my yang and I think it's about time everybody stop trying to make you more like me because I love you for you. Instead we should of natured and helped you discover who you are and who you want to be and for that I am truly sorry and I promise from now on there will be no more pressure to be me so you go ahead and be you.**_

_**On a happier note the Trager's say hi and Nicole wants me to let you know that if you need anything please don't hesitate to call her. On other news Lori has been accepted into UDUB and so has Declan much to Mark's annoyance and Declan's glee, so it should be interesting to see how it all plays out when they start next semester. Josh is slowly coming to terms with the fact that Andy has gone and has finally put on some clean clothes and left the house, but I wouldn't worry too much about Josh as Andy was just as bad as Josh maybe even worse. Prompting her parents to come to the decision that if she wants to she can live with her aunt here for a year allowing her to be with Josh and they will reassess the situation periodically every 6 months. But Josh doesn't know any of this as Andy wants to make sure that everything is in place before she gets Josh's hopes up and once she has confirmation then I think she's planning on surprising him at school by just showing up in his lesson.**_

_**Stephen and Nicole are doing pretty good too and Nicole has even started to practice again and take on new clients which is great, as she has spent too long solely focusing on us neglecting her career and at times even put it in jeopardy. I think it's about time she got back to doing what she loves: helping others.**_

_**With everyone moving forward with their lives I feel as if I am stuck, I don't know what I am waiting for but all I know is that when I find it I will be able to move on with my life. I have an inkling on what it is but I'm not a hundred percent sure yet and so I'm just attempting to make the best of it. But now I think Steven has started to pick up on the fact that I don't have a clear direction just yet on where I want to go and I know it won't be long before he starts to ask questions and he involves Nicole and we can't afford that at the moment, as we have other things that we have to deal with...**_

Looking at that last sentence Kyle knew that he couldn't write that and he couldn't understand how he could have slipped up when he had been doing so well in keeping the email Latnok free, luckily all he had to do was edit the sentence before he pressed sent because he was determined for Jessi not to know anything about what was going on at home.

_**...and I know it won't be long before he starts to ask questions and he involves Nicole. So I was considering going away with Foss to continue the training that Adam had planned for me which will give me time to figure everything out and of course make Foss happy.**_

_**There will be a time when we will need to deal with Latnok and I am nowhere near as ready as you are so this will enable me to not only protect myself but it will also ensure that I will be able to watch your back.**_

_**I have to go Jessi but before I do I was wondering if I managed to get away, covering my tracks, would it be ok for me to visit you as I really really need to see you. I miss you and its driving me insane. I know you need space and I promised to respect that but even if it's for a few hours, I really just need to see you; see that you're alright and just be near you. As since you left I have felt empty. I never realise just how use to our connection I was until you had gone and although it was bearable in the beginning I can't stand it any longer. **_

_**Please let me know what you decide.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Kyle.**_

And with that Kyle hit the send button and shut down his computer glad that it was done and now he could rest his wary body. He was just so tired, the fight with the Latnok's agents who had took Josh had just taken too much out of him, not to mention the fact that Foss had gotten shot but luckily it was a flesh wound. Kyle knew that the trauma of today's events would stay with everyone for a long time and Kyle could barely look at Nicole or Josh in eye after the rescue as he knew that he had let everybody down by letting Latnok get so close. Also his lack of offense against Latnok had allowed them to get so close and almost succeeding as everybody knew that Kyle would do anything for his loved ones. He had to take the fight to them if he wanted to protect everybody. But no way in hell was he going to ask Jessi to come back and help him deal with Latnok, no matter how much Foss or Steven begged him too. Jessi was safe where she was for now and he intended to keep her that way for as long as possible.

**A/N: Review Review Review.**


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